Something More
by skiesofflames
Summary: Merlin has had enough of feeling lonely and unappreciated. He seeks comfort in the arms of another, causing Arthur to see the emotional damage he has caused in his faithful manservant as he realises his love for him. Merdred to start with but with eventual Merthur. Rating may go up as story goes on, but rated T for now...
1. The Beginning

_A/N: Hello there! I'm actually writing this Fanfiction for my NaNoWriMo this year, so there should be a new chapter daily (if all goes to plan). This is set sometime after Series 5 Episode 4, in a world where Gwen and Lancelot left to be together years previously._  
_ Recently I've started to like the idea of a Merlin/Mordred relationship, so there will be some of that ship through this fic, but the main pairing will end up being Merlin/Arthur._

* * *

Merlin knocked on the doors of Arthur's chambers, while he balanced Arthur's dinner in one hand. They had returned from an unsuccessful hunting trip a few hours earlier. Since returning, Merlin had set to work with his chores right away as he knew that Arthur would already be in a bad mood from not catching anything while hunting.

"Enter". Arthur's voice bellowed through the door.  
As Merlin opened the door he let a smile spread across his face. He was determined to not let Arthur's bad mood bring him down. When he walked in he found Arthur sat at his table, ready and waiting for his meal.  
"You're late, Merlin". Arthur said half-heartedly as Merlin entered the room.  
"I am sorry for that, sire, but I was cleaning your armour after the hunting trip". Merlin replied calmly.  
Merlin placed the meal in front of Arthur, as Arthur looked up at Merlin, glaring. Merlin answered the glare with an apologetic smile. Arthur sighed but let the subject drop. He was used to Merlin being late and he realised that he shouldn't take his foul mood out on his faithful manservant.  
As Arthur tucked into his meal Merlin walked over to the fireplace to start a fire. Camelot had been experiencing quite cold weather in the past few weeks, which Arthur had not been enjoying. Arthur dreaded waking up in the morning to a cold room. It made it that much harder for him to actually get out of bed.  
"Will you be requiring a bath this evening?" Merlin asked Arthur, as he prodded the small fire that he had just created.  
"Not tonight, Merlin. I will be retiring early this evening as I have early training with the knights tomorrow morning". Arthur replied as he finished his meal.  
Arthur set his cutlery down and stood up. He walked behind his screen to change into his bedclothes. While he was changing behind the screen Merlin began to clear the table. Arthur finished changing and came out from behind the screen.  
"That will be all for tonight, Merlin. You are dismissed". He said, sighing. Merlin could clearly see that the failed hunting trip was getting to him. Merlin nodded at him and headed towards the door, carrying the dishes from Arthur's dinner.  
"Oh and Merlin, make sure you aren't late waking me tomorrow morning". Arthur said, light-heartedly. Merlin nodded again and left the room.

Merlin awoke the next day to the sound of rain pounding against the window in his room. He sighed and wished to himself that he could just go back to sleep. For a second, he lost all concept of time. But he quickly realised that if he didn't hurry up he would be late awaking the King. Rushing to get dressed and up to Arthur's chambers in time, Merlin was unaware that he had infact put his shirt on backwards when he was getting ready. As he hastily moved through the kitchens to collect Arthur's breakfast, he noticed he received a few peculiar looks from kitchen staff. Merlin made the assumption that they had realised he was running late.

Merlin gave a light knock on Arthur's door. When no reply came, Merlin realised that the king must still be asleep, so he entered the room. Unsurprisingly, Merlin found Arthur sound asleep in bed. Merlin noticed how calm and relaxed Arthur looked while he slept. When awake, although he tried to hide it, Arthur always looked like he had something on his mind and stressed. Merlin felt like he could spend all day just watching the king peacefully sleep, but he came to his senses when he realised how angry Arthur would be if he was late for training. Merlin placed the breakfast on the table and then walked to the windows. As he opened the curtains in one swift motion, he greeted Arthur with "Rise and shine!".  
Arthur groaned, "Do you really have to be so annoying, Merlin?".  
Merlin ignored the comment and began tidying the King's chamber. Arthur slowly began to wake and get out of bed.  
"You actually managed to wake me up on time today. It's a miracle!" He said, mockingly.  
"Har har". Merlin replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes.  
Arthur sat down at the table to eat his breakfast. He felt much more relaxed about the hunting trip after having a night to calm down. He was thinking about his plans for the day when he noticed how Merlin was dressed.  
Arthur let out a snort of laughter and said, "You really are an idiot". He shook his head laughing, while he began his breakfast.  
Merlin looked up from the closet that he had been placing Arthur's clothes in.  
"What?" He asked, confused.  
"Your shirt…". Arthur replied, nodding in the direction of Merlin's clothing.  
Merlin looked down to discover that his shirt was infact on backwards. Merlin let out a sigh.  
"Sorry sire, I was in a bit of a rush this morning". Merlin responded.  
"It's fine. Just get it sorted. I can't be seen with a servant that can't even dress himself properly". Arthur replied, while taking another bite into his breakfast.  
"Oh… uh… do you mind if I just step behind the screen and change it?" Merlin asked awkwardly. Arthur was surprised at how awkward his manservant was being.  
"Go ahead". He replied, nodding. As Merlin stepped behind the screen, Arthur began to wonder what Merlin looked like shirtless. Merlin had seen Arthur without a shirt on countless time since they had known each other, but it had never seemed to be the other way around. Arthur wondered if the other man really was as skinny as he seemed to be. As Arthur continued to think about how Merlin's body looked without clothing, Merlin finished changing and stepped outside of the screen. Arthur blushed when he realised that he probably shouldn't have been thinking about it, and tried to let the thought disappear from his mind.  
Merlin noticed the blush and wondered if he had put the shirt wrong again. He looked down at himself and asked Arthur, "is it okay now?".  
Arthur looked at the raven-haired man quickly, and then looked down. He replied quietly and said, "Yes". He continued to avoid eye contact with Merlin as he stood up to get dressed.  
"Clear the table and get my armour ready". He instructed tetchily. Merlin was a little taken a-back by the sudden temper-change of the King.  
"Yes, sire". He replied, nodding.

Throughout training, Merlin watched as Arthur and the knights trained furiously. Merlin could tell that Arthur was trying to let out some steam after the events of the hunting trip. It saddened Merlin seeing Arthur unhappy.  
When the training session was over, Merlin began to help Arthur remove his armour.  
"How did the knights go today with the training?" Merlin asked, attempting to start a conversation.  
"They were fine. They are all skilled fighters". Arthur replied. Merlin tried to read Arthur's expression to see what kind of mood he was in, but was unable to tell, as Arthur was keeping a straight face.  
Merlin was still removing the armour, when he suddenly accidently dropped Arthur's breastplate. It shattered to the ground with a loud bang. Arthur had been miles away in his thoughts. The loud noise brought him back to reality with a start.  
"MERLIN. CAN YOU NOT DO ANYTHING RIGHT?" He growled angrily. Merlin looked surprised by the outburst but bent down to pick up the dropped armour.  
"If that is dented it will be coming out of your pay for the next month, understand?" Arthur continued to say angrily.  
Merlin looked annoyed and replied, "Yes, sire". He knew better then to try and talk back to the king when he was in this sort of mood. Merlin walked back over to Arthur to continue removing the remainder of armour, when Arthur sighed and said,  
"Just go will you. I can finish up myself". He was now calm as he spoke, although there was an edge to his voice.  
Merlin looked surprised and slightly hurt.  
"It's no problem, sire, I can finish up". He replied to the king.  
"I said you're dismissed, now leave". Arthur looked him straight in the eye; with such authority that Merlin knew that he needed to just leave Arthur to it.  
After Merlin had left Arthur realised he may have been a little harsh. "Oh well, he'll get over it", Arthur thought to himself. Arthur had just finished removing his armour when started to think about Gwen. He sometimes wondered how his life would have been different now, if she hadn't left to be with Lancelot. Sometimes he felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, and he needed someone to share it with. If Gwen had stayed, he would have. Arthur felt so alone sometimes. But he knew that it would not be long before he would find a Queen to rule with him. He wouldn't be alone forever. He put away his armour and headed up to his room. He hoped that his lunch would be served by the time he arrived, but knowing the time management of his manservant, the chances of that seemed pretty slim.  
Meanwhile, Merlin was in the kitchens preparing Arthur's lunch. He felt that it was unfair how Arthur had reacted. Merlin had dedicated his life to serving Arthur. He was saving Arthur's life countless times, all the while keeping his true self a secret. Sometimes Merlin found it hard serving Arthur with such little recognition. Merlin would give anything to be able to have Arthur accept him for who he is and be thankful for what he does. Merlin sighed to himself. He had known Arthur for years and nothing had ever changed. Merlin sometimes began to fear that nothing ever would change. He let the thought go and headed up to Arthur's chambers with a plate full of food, as he put on a smile.


	2. The Hunting Trip

A/N: Day two of my NaNo and i'm already stressing out! Today has been slightly more rushed as I had a load of stuff I had to do today. We're starting to get Mordred into the story now though, yay!

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Mordred awoke in his chambers to find that for the first time in weeks, the sun was shining bright in through his windows. It was a relief for him to realise that he would not be doing his training in the rain for once. It had been a few months since Mordred had been knighted. Since, he had taken to being a knight of Camelot like it was his natural calling in life. Mordred had always felt since the first time he entered through the gates of Camelot that it was his one true place to live. He knew that he would end up being back there again one day. He hadn't been expecting a welcoming response to his knighting from Merlin, but at the same time he hadn't expected the Warlock to be so cold towards him. Mordred remembered that the last thing he had said to Merlin was threatening. But Mordred was just a child then. Surely Merlin would have realised that he would have grown up and moved on by now? It seemed evident to Mordred that Merlin had not forgotten their last meeting, and was holding it as a grudge towards him. Merlin seemed certain that Mordred was planning something to overthrow the kingdom. Mordred was determined to prove him wrong. He would gain Merlin's trust if it were the last thing he ever did.

Merlin knocked on Arthur's door. Waking up to find that the rain had ended made Merlin feel happier than he had the previous days. He also hoped that the improved weather would brighten the king's mood too. As expected, there was no answer after the knock. Merlin pushed open the door. He was surprised to find that Arthur was already out of bed and dressed.

"Sire? You're out of bed?" Merlin asked Arthur, looking confused.  
The King was sat at his table ready and waiting for his breakfast. He had a smile on his face. This made Merlin automatically relax.  
"Yes, Merlin. Believe it or not I am capable to dressing myself and waking myself up in the morning". Arthur replied.  
"Oh of course". Merlin responded as he placed the King's breakfast in front of him on the table.  
"Now Merlin, I need you to do my laundry, clean my room, polish my armour and muck out the horses". Arthur instructed Merlin. Merlin's face dropped. He opened his mouth to protest but Arthur continuing his sentence cut him off.  
"Oh and, get the horses ready and pack some food. We're going on a hunting trip for a few days". Arthur grinned as he ordered Merlin to do the chores.  
"But we only just went on a hunting trip!" Merlin replied, sighing.  
"Well we're going again". Arthur explained to his manservant, sternly.  
Merlin knew that there was no changing Arthur's mind once he had decided a hunting trip. Merlin decided not to argue against the King's wishes, but he certainly wasn't going to be happy about the situation…

A few hours later they set out on the hunting trip. Merlin was glad that he would have the company of the knights Gwaine, Leon, Percival and Elyan for the duration of the trip. He was however unimpressed that Mordred had been invited along. Merlin always felt nervous when Mordred was around Arthur. Although Mordred had stated that his loyalties lie with Arthur, Merlin struggled to believe that were the case after the prophesises he had been shown. Now that Mordred was a Knight of Camelot, Merlin had to spend a lot of his time watching over Mordred to make sure he wasn't going to kill Arthur. Knowing that it was Mordred's destiny to end Arthur's life made Merlin extremely fearful.

When Mordred discovered that the King was planning another hunting trip, he was quick to offer to come along. It meant a lot to the young knight to gain the trust of Merlin, and he knew that the more time he spent with the Warlock, the more likely he would be to relax around Mordred. It hurt Mordred to see the look on Merlin's face when he realised he was coming along. Merlin's face expressed anger, disappointment but mainly… fear. Mordred sighed to himself.

After a long day of riding through the woods and not catching anything, Leon noticed movement in the path before them. The hunting party all quietly dismounted their horses as they reached for their weapons. Merlin stayed behind the group, holding the reins of a couple of the horses, while the knights slowly crept forwards with their weapons in position. Without any warning, a deer ran out ahead of them. It only took Arthur half a second to react, as he pulled the trigger on his crossbow. Within a second, the deer fell to the ground. Arthur's face lit up as he straightened up and walked towards the deer.  
"Good shot Sire". Mordred congratulated the King as he followed him to the deer. Arthur turned to Mordred and gave him an appreciative nod.  
The sun began to go down as they loaded the recently caught meat onto the horses. Arthur made the decision that it was too late for them to ride back to Camelot that night.  
"We'll set up camp here for the night, and we will ride back to Camelot at dawn. Merlin set up the camp and cook the dinner". Arthur explained, turning to look at Merlin. Merlin nodded in response. He set to work on making a fire right away. He was glad to find that the knights and Arthur had all made their way down to a nearby stream to clean themselves up. Merlin appreciated getting a few minutes of peace and quiet as he set up the camp. To his surprise, Mordred came walking back up to the camp not even five minutes since he left. Merlin looked up and him to acknowledge him and awkwardly looked back down at the fire. Mordred stood not even a metre away from Merlin, as he prepared the evening meal.  
"Emrys…" Mordred's voice was like a soft purr. Merlin shuddered. He wasn't sure whether it was due to the cold night, the tone of Mordred's voice, or the uncertainty he felt whenever Mordred was near. He came to the conclusion that it was probably a mix of the three.  
"Mordred". Merlin replied softly, without looking up from the meal he was preparing.  
"Would you like some help with that?" Mordred asked, as he took a seat next to Merlin. Merlin looked at Mordred this time and a smile crept across his face.  
"What? With cooking?" He asked, surprised.  
"Yes. During my time growing up I had to spend a lot of time cooking my own meals. You'd be surprised at my cooking talents". Mordred replied, smiling back at Merlin. Seeing Merlin with a grin on his face while talking to him brought butterflies to Mordred's stomach. This is what he had been trying to get since the moment he set foot back in Camelot.  
Merlin raised his eyebrows and said "You can chop up these herbs if you really want to…". He handed Mordred a knife and some herbs. As doubts about the situation began to creep into Merlin's mind, his thoughts were interrupted by Mordred's next sentence.  
"I'm going to prove you wrong, y'know. I'm going to gain your trust one day". Mordred said softly. Merlin turned to the younger man to find that the smile had gone from his face. Instead, the look of sorrow and regret was in its place. Merlin gulped. He had no idea how to react to this. Mordred looked so genuine and innocent. More than anything, Merlin wanted to believe that Mordred wasn't going to try and kill Arthur. But one can't escape their destiny, can they? Merlin's face softened, all the light-heartedness and joking gone. He looked Mordred in the eyes and began to reply.  
"Mordred…" Merlin was quickly cut off by the sound of Arthur and the knights returning to camp.  
"Merlin, what do you think you are doing?!" Arthur asked angrily. With the moment gone, Mordred and Merlin's eyes broke apart as they both stared up at Arthur.  
"Um, making dinner?" Merlin responded, looking confused.  
"Why is Mordred – a knight of Camelot – helping you cook? You are a servant, Merlin. It is your job to be cooking. It is not your job to make knights help you with your work. And what is taking you so long? We're all starving". Arthur continued angrily. Merlin opened his mouth to respond but was cut off by Mordred.  
"Actually, I offered to help him out. And the reason why it is taking so long is because before making dinner Merlin had to set up the camp". Mordred explained to Arthur, with a clear annoyed tone in his voice. Arthur nodded in response and walked away to sit with the other knights on the other side of the fire. Mordred turned to Merlin and said "I'm sorry I caused you trouble. I'll leave you to it…". Merlin noticed that Mordred seemed to look sad and forlorn as he joined the others around the fire.

As Mordred sat next to Percival, he wondered to himself about whether Arthur was often that rude to Merlin. If Arthur had any idea who Merlin was or how powerful he was, he would think twice before being so disrespectful. It astounded him that Merlin was able to keep calm and not react when he is treated that way. It also astounded Mordred that Merlin would continue to save the life of a man that would have him executed the second he found out about his magic. Merlin announcing that their dinner was ready interrupted his thoughts. Every man suddenly stood up and rushed over with their plates. Mordred waited until the rest of the knights were done before he went to get his meal. He gave Merlin a comforting smile as he served his meal. Merlin looked him in the eyes and returned the smile.

Across the campfire, Arthur noticed the exchange of smiles between his manservant and the young knight. It confused him as Merlin had been seeming to be acting quite coldly towards Mordred the past few weeks, yet now they were exchanging looks and Mordred was sticking up for Merlin when Arthur had confronted him about dinner. Arthur frowned. He began to wonder if something was going on between the pair that he was unaware about.


	3. The Realisation

_A/N: I just wanted to say thank you for your reviews and following the story. It is muchly appreciated (:_  
_Over the next few chapters I'm going to try and build up Mordred and Merlin's relationship more, and try and get more into the bulk of the story. I'm trying to slowly build up to the main events of the story as it is intended to end up being at least 50,000 words (being my NaNoWriMo and all…), so if it seems like it isn't moving too quickly, it is because it I am intending to build the story up slowly. Just sit tight and be patient and we'll be getting to the good story lines soon._

_I wasn't sure about whether it was a good idea to be uploading the story as I write it, as it is quite stressful having people read my unpolished fiction as I write it. But I feel like having that bit of pressure is helping me complete my daily word count and it helps motivate me to win NaNoWriMo. I would just ask for you to keep in mind that this fiction is all currently un-edited and will not be edited until the end of November, so I am aware that not everything is perfect in the story yet._

_If any of you are doing NaNoWriMo, it'll be awesome if we could be writing buddies to motivate each other! You can add me by going here: en/participants/endedworlds_

* * *

The ride back to Camelot was a quiet one. It did seem that the weather was on their side again today, as the sun continued to shine. During the ride, the knights made light conversation with each other. Merlin could feel the weight of Mordred's stare on his back for the duration. Whenever he turned around to glance back at the knights behind him, he would always catch Mordred's eye for a short second before they both awkwardly glanced away. A blush spread across Merlin's cheeks as he looked forwards along the path they were taking.  
"Can we stop for a break for a while? I'm starving". Gwaine asked Arthur.  
"We only ate an hour ago!" Arthur exclaimed.  
"It's hard work riding all day!" Gwaine replied lightly, with a smile on his face. Arthur grinned back at Gwaine.  
"You never cease to amaze me, Gwaine". Arthur said, shaking his head playfully.  
"But unfortunately our breakfast this morning was the last of our food. You'll just have to wait until we return to Camelot". Arthur continued.  
Gwaine sighed.  
"At least we aren't too far away now. Maybe we could pick up our speed a bit so that we arrive sooner?" Merlin suggested, joining the conversation.  
"I'm with Merlin on this one". Gwaine responded as he nudged his horse to go faster. The others followed suit and the group broke into a fast canter towards home.

By the time they arrived back in Camelot it was late afternoon. Merlin dismounted his horse and began to walk it into the stables. As he walked, he heard a voice behind him.  
"Merlin? Aren't you forgetting something?" Merlin turned around to discover that the voice belonged to Athur.  
"My horse?" Arthur said, rolling his eyes when he saw that Merlin didn't realise what he was talking about.  
"Oh, right. Sorry Sire". Merlin replied as he walked back to Arthur to take the reins of his horse.

Mordred watched Merlin as he walked to the stables with the two horses. Mordred was so busy watching after Merlin that he hadn't noticed the stable-hand next to him, asking if he wanted him to take his horse for him. When Mordred realised that he was being spoken to he quickly replied,  
"That will not be necessary, thank you. I will take my horse myself". He walked quickly in hope that he would catch up with Merlin. It was only when Merlin was in the stable untacking the two horses, that Mordred caught up to him. Merlin looked up at Mordred as he entered the stables.  
"Mordred… what are you doing in here?" Merlin asked.  
"Untacking my horse?" Mordred replied.  
"Surely you could find a servant or stable-hand to do that for you". Merlin commented, raising his eyebrows at Mordred's reply. Merlin continued to untack his horse as he conversed.  
"I don't mind doing it myself. Infact, I was hoping to talk to you". Mordred replied, as he began to remove the saddle of his horse. Merlin looked at Mordred, surprised, for about a second before looking back to his horse.  
"About?" He asked as he removed the bridle.  
Mordred suddenly realised that he hadn't thought of what he was going to say to Merlin. He had only planned to come into the stable to try and make a light conversation with him. Mordred decided to say the first thing that came to his head.  
"I was wondering if you had any plans for tonight?" He asked Merlin.  
"Well, I have my usual plans of catering for Arthur's every need until he retires to bed but other than that no. Why do you ask?" Merlin answered, looking up from his horse with a slight frown of confusion on his face.  
"After you have finished your duties with Arthur, would you like to come to the tavern?" Mordred asked. He was nervous asking, so it all came out in a rush.  
Merlin looked into Mordred's eyes, trying to understand his motives behind what he was asking. But he couldn't see that there were any hidden motives.  
"With you?" Merlin replied.  
"Yes, with me". Mordred said softly. His face started to blush as he worried that maybe he was out of line asking Merlin to spend time with him so soon. His worries were cut off by Merlin's response.  
"All right. I'll meet you down there once Arthur has gone to bed".  
Mordred opened his mouth to reply but Merlin was already walking out of the stables. Mordred was left by himself to finish untacking his horse as he thought over his conversation with Merlin in disbelief. Was Merlin already beginning to warm up to him? Mordred's heart was thudding loudly in his chest, as he suddenly began to feel nervous about the night ahead of him.

Merlin hurried to Arthur's chambers with his dinner that evening. He wanted to make sure he got to the tavern in enough time. He wasn't really sure why he agreed to meet Mordred. He also wasn't really sure why Mordred wanted to spend time with him in the first place. But for some reason, Merlin was excited.  
He knocked on Arthur's door.  
"Enter". Arthur's voice called through the door. Merlin opened the doors to the room while balancing the dinner in one hand. He found Arthur standing by the window, looking out over Camelot.  
"I have your dinner, Arthur". He announced, when Arthur hadn't turned around to acknowledge him.  
"Right, yes. Set it down on the table". Arthur replied, still looking out the window. He seemed to be quite deep in thought. As Merlin set the food down on the table Arthur finally broke his gaze from the courtyards and walked towards the table. Merlin was surprised to see that Arthur looked quite unhappy as he sat at the table. Normally after a successful hunting trip he would be quite proud and cheerful.  
"Is there something on your mind, Arthur?" Merlin asked, curiously.  
"No, Merlin". Arthur replied sternly.  
"Are you sure? If you want to talk about it-" Merlin began to say.  
"I said no, Merlin. You are dismissed". Arthur cut him of, as he looked up to glare at the raven-haired warlock. Merlin was slightly taken aback by Arthur's mood but decided to let it go.  
"Would you like me to clean up a bit in here before I go?" Merlin asked trying to change the subject.  
"I said you are dismissed. Now leave me". Arthur glowered at Merlin.  
"As you wish, Sire". Merlin looked hurt as he turned to the door and left for the night. He was determined that his little tiff with Arthur would not ruin his night.

After returning to his chambers in the afternoon, Mordred wasn't sure how to spend his time leading up to meeting up with Merlin in the tavern. He had spent a little while after returning with the other knights and Arthur, in the armoury. He had asked if any of them would be interested in joining him and Merlin in the tavern that evening. Arthur looked up at the mention of Merlin being in the tavern that evening, and he frowned for a second before announcing that he had a speech to write and bid the knights farewell. Mordred found it odd that Arthur had frowned at the mention of Merlin, but realised that he was probably overreacting when he noticed that none of the other knights had noticed it. After spending time in the armoury he decided that taking a nap might be beneficial, as he would probably be having a late night. As he lay down on his bed he tried to clear his mind so that he could rest. But he kept having thoughts about the night ahead, which would cause butterflies to come to his stomach. Mordred couldn't understand why he was so nervous about this. But then it finally clicked in his mind that maybe he had started to develop feelings for Merlin. He tried to brush of the thought but the more he thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense of his feelings. He wasn't just seeking Merlin's trust anymore; he was seeking Merlin's heart.

Merlin hated arguing with Arthur. He hated to think that Arthur didn't care for him or value his opinions. He hated that he couldn't comfort Arthur when he was feeling down. All he wanted to do was help him. All he has ever wanted to do is help Arthur. While walking down the tavern, Merlin tried to think of the reasons why Arthur was unhappy that evening. Maybe he was just tired after a long day from riding? Merlin couldn't think of any other solutions. As Merlin reached the door to the tavern he took a deep breath in and opened the door. He suddenly felt nervous about the night ahead of him. As he stepped inside the tavern, there seating at a table across the room was Mordred. Merlin walked towards the table as Mordred looked up at him. As their eyes met, Mordred greeted him with a heart-warming smile.  
"Merlin…" Mordred said softly. He looked as if he hadn't believed that Merlin would actually turn up.


	4. The Tavern

_A/N: Hey all! Thank you all so much for your support and reviews so far J_  
_I found it really hard to write anymore of the story today as I've been spending all day having feelings over episode 5. I'm sure many of you have seen the episode and understand why I'm freaking out over it. But NaNoWriMo doesn't stop for anything, so I will solider on through these feels and continue writing! _  
_Sorry if this chapter is a bit naff. I had very little time to write today as I had a busy day. I may come back to this chapter at the end of NaNo and touch it up, but for now it'll have to do._  
_I hope you all enjoy the chapter._

* * *

"Mordred". Merlin replied, giving the young knight a nod.  
"Take a seat". Mordred replied gesturing towards the seat opposite him. Merlin seated himself and looked at Mordred. Mordred seemed to look nervous. This surprised Merlin because Mordred always seemed quite forward and carefree.  
"I already got you a drink". Mordred said gesturing at the drink that was placed in front of Merlin.  
"Cheers". Merlin said as he took a sip of the drink. An awkward silence lasted for a few minutes as they both realised they hadn't planned on what they were going to say to each other. Mordred broke the silence.  
"How was Arthur this evening?" He asked Merlin. Mordred decided that starting with small talk would probably be the way to go. Unfortunately at the moment the last thing Merlin wanted to talk about was Arthur. Merlin sighed.  
"Let me have a few more drinks first before we start talking about Arthur…" Merlin responded. Mordred was surprised.  
"Oh… has something happened?" Mordred frowned. Merlin skulled his drink down in one go.  
"Buy me another drink and I'll tell you". Merlin answered with a slight smile. He decided that maybe he should just let loose and try to enjoy his evening with Mordred. Mordred smiled back at Merlin as he stood up.  
"Sure, I'll be right back". He announced as he walked to the bar. It occurred to Merlin that maybe he had been too judgemental of Mordred since his return. Maybe if he made more of an effort to befriend Mordred, it would be less likely that it would be him to kill Arthur. Mordred coming back with the drinks interrupted his thoughts. Merlin was surprised to see that Mordred had come back with a jug this time. He raised his eyebrows at the sight of it. Mordred could read into Merlin's expression and replied before Merlin had the time to ask.  
"You sounded like you may need more than one drink so I thought this would save us making many more trips to the bar". Mordred explained as he took a seat.  
"I like your thinking". Merlin complimented Mordred as he poured them both another drink.  
"How are you enjoying being a knight of Camelot?" Merlin asked Mordred. He was interested to see how Mordred was settling into his new life.  
"It's been pretty good so far. I mean, I haven't died yet so that's always a good sign. I haven't enjoyed all the training in the rain that we've been doing recently though". Mordred replied.  
"Ah yes, the rain. It's a shame that Arthur makes you train through the rain. It's also a shame that he makes me stand out there with all of you getting soaked, just so that'll I'll be there if he needs anything". Merlin replied, looking slightly putout. Mordred decided this would be a good time to bring up the conversation about Arthur again.  
"So what happened earlier for you to not want to talk about him?" Mordred asked curiously. He was interested to see what Arthur had done to offend Merlin this time.  
"He was just a little off with me this evening, but it's fine. He probably has a lot on his mind…" Merlin replied, taking a gulp of his drink.  
"Like what?" Mordred questioned. It didn't make much sense to Mordred for the king to be unhappy that evening. They had just returned for a successful hunting trip. Surely that was something to be happy about?  
"I'm not sure. I couldn't think of any reasons. But then again, being the King of Camelot probably is quite a stressful job". Merlin answered with a hint of humour in his voice.  
"What did he do to make you believe he was in a bad mood?" Mordred continued. Merlin hadn't intended on spending so much time talking about Arthur. It was starting to put a damper on his evening. But he felt it would be rude to not answer Mordred's questions.  
"He was just a little bit short with me and when I tried to see what was wrong he snapped a little". Merlin answered. Merlin realised he had finished the remainder of the jug of drink. Before Mordred had a change to respond Merlin stood up.  
"I'll just go and get us a top up". Merlin announced walking to the bar. Mordred hadn't even noticed the drink go, as he was still only on his second glass. He watched Merlin walking to the bar in fascination. This beautiful man was one of the most powerful Warlock's of all time, but he let people be rude to him and walk all over him.

Merlin arrived back at the table with a new jug and took a seat.  
"You know, I don't understand you Merlin". Mordred admitted, looking into Merlin's eyes. Merlin snorted.  
"Most people don't". Merlin replied. Merlin thought for a second, and then continued with a slight frown of confusion on his face.  
"But that's normally the people that are unaware that I have magic. You on the other hand, you know about my magic. You know everything about me so what is it that you don't understand, Mordred?" Merlin asked curiously. Mordred noticed that Merlin was beginning to slur his words. He made a mental note to himself to not get any more drinks after they were through with this jug.  
"You're so powerful but you live the life of a manservant. I don't understand why you would do that. After all these years, you're still in the same position as you were when we met while I was just a boy. You deserve to be appreciated for who you are". Mordred explained.  
"Well if you can find someone that will appreciate me for 'who I am' let me know, because I sure as hell can't find anyone who would appreciate me if they knew who I really was". Merlin replied calmly, slouching over his drink.  
"I appreciate you and I know who you are". Mordred replied firmly. Merlin looked up from his drink and looked Mordred in the eyes. A blush crept across Mordred's cheeks. It was in that moment that Merlin started to realise how beautiful Mordred was. The contrast of his blue eyes and his pink cheeks, the darkness of his hair to the paleness of his skin… It was all like perfection. Merlin wasn't sure if it was the drink affecting his thoughts or whether he really was attracted to Mordred, but in that moment all he wanted to do was lean forward and kiss the young knight. Mordred tried to read Merlin's expression as he continued to stare at him. Mordred blushed harder as Merlin continued to stare.

Eventually Mordred broke the gaze by looking down at his drink. This seemed to make Merlin realise what he had been thinking was out of line and inappropriate.  
"Thank you, Mordred. It's nice to hear someone appreciating me for once. But I feel that I don't deserve your kindness, as I have been rude to you since the moment you set foot back in Camelot". Merlin explained with sadness in his eyes.  
"All is forgiven. I understand that you had your doubts about me, but I hope we have cleared that up now and have a clean slate. I really like to you Merlin, and I want us to be friends. I believe we could be good friends. We understand each other more than anyone else ever could". Mordred responded passionately. Merlin was overwhelmed with the understanding towards him that Mordred had. Mordred made him feel wanted. He made him feel like he had meaning and like he was important. All he wanted to do was lean forward and kiss Mordred. As he began to lean forward to kiss him, it seemed that Mordred was doing the same. But the sudden feeling of sick that Merlin felt ruined the moment. It seemed like his drink from the evening finally got to him, as he leaned over the side of the table to throw up.

When he looked up from the side of the table he found Mordred pouring him a glass of water. Humiliated, Merlin's face went as bright as a tomato.  
"I'm sorry, I've never been any good at holding my drink…" Merlin apologised.  
"It's fine. Here, have some water" Mordred replied handing Merlin the drink. Mordred's heart was beating at what seemed to be a thousand beats a minute. Merlin had seemed to go in for a kiss with him. Mordred began to wonder whether it was just the drink that had caused Merlin to try and kiss him, or whether he had feelings for him. As much as Mordred wanted to find out Merlin's true intentions, he realised that it was getting late and he ought to get Merlin home before he got himself into a worse state.  
"We'd better get you home". Mordred suggested, standing up. Merlin followed Mordred to the door but stumbled as he walked. Mordred put his arm around Merlin's waist to hold him up and steady him as they walked back home.


	5. The Regrets

_A/N: Thanks for sticking with me through the last chapter, guys. I'm sorry that it kind of sucked. I've had another day where I've had a lack of time to write, but somehow I managed to stay on track and write the next chapter. I'm starting to try and bring in a bit of jealous Arthur at the moment, but it's going to be a slow build up. _  
_As always, I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. Thank you so much for your support so far (:_

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Arthur awoke the next day to find that rain was thundering down against his window again. It disappointed him that the sunny weather hadn't lasted for very long. At least he didn't have to be doing any training today, so he could stay indoors to shelter from the rain. Arthur wondered how Merlin and Mordred's trip to the tavern had gone the last night. Arthur felt bad that he had snapped at Merlin that evening before he dismissed him. He hadn't meant to. He wasn't even exactly sure why he snapped at Merlin. He just found that after finding out that he and Mordred were going to be spending time together he felt kind of… angry and even a little jealous. He knew it was silly to be feeling that way. But he was used to having Merlin there with him all of the time and not really having to share him. Arthur was worried that maybe Mordred and Merlin would become closer, and Merlin would stop wanting to spend time with him anymore. Although Arthur would deny it to anyone that asked, he always greatly appreciated Merlin's company. After all, Merlin had sort of become like a 'best friend' figure to Arthur. Arthur was also struggling to understand why Merlin had suddenly seemed to change his opinions on Mordred. Merlin had seemingly been trying to exclude and be rude to Mordred since he had arrived in Camelot. So why the sudden change of heart now? Arthur first noticed the unusual behaviour between them when Mordred was helping g Merlin prepare the meal while they were away hunting. He then noticed that Mordred took his horse to the stable so that he could follow Merlin in there. Arthur was beginning to wonder whether Mordred's intentions were strictly platonic. The idea of Mordred having feelings for Merlin felt like a pang to the heart. Arthur didn't understand why he hated the idea of Merlin and Mordred being together so much. He soon realised that he was being silly, If Merlin and Mordred had feelings for each other then they were welcome to each other. Arthur had no right to stand in the way of them. It was up to Merlin what he did with his personal life as long as it didn't interrupt with his duties as manservant. But it seemed unlikely that Merlin would be trying anything on with Mordred anyway. Arthur realised that Merlin was probably just trying to be polite by going to the tavern with Mordred, and didn't infact have any sort of feelings for the young knight. After all, it's perfectly normal for two men to wind down at the end of a long day over a beer in the tavern without any hidden motives.

After spending the past about ten minutes thinking about Merlin and Mordred, it suddenly clicked that Merlin hadn't turned up to wake Arthur up that morning.. Arthur suddenly felt very angry towards his manservant. Did he ever manage to show up on time? Just because he had a late night it shouldn't mean that he could just take advantage of Arthur and not show up for work in the morning. Arthur got out of bed and quickly dressed himself.. After dressing, Arthur stormed out of his chambers and headed down to pay Merlin a visit. He wasn't going to let Merlin just get away with messing him around. He had important duties to attend to and he wasn't going to be late because his good-for-nothing manservant is too lazy to wake up on time.

Merlin awoke to the sound of a loud knock upon his door. He didn't even have time to react before the door swung open. There, stood before him was Arthur, glaring down at Merlin as he lay in his bed. Merlin groaned. The full effects of his hangover were starting to take its toll on him.  
"Oh, I am so sorry Merlin. I didn't mean to interrupt your precious beauty sleep!' Arthur shouted sarcastically.  
"I'm sorry, Arthur. I had a late night…" Merlin replied quietly, realising that he must have overslept. It was then that the memories from the night before came flooding back to him.  
"Oh god…" Merlin muttered as he continued to remember.  
"Have you suddenly realised the seriousness of failing to wake up the King of Camelot on time?" Arthur responded, again sarcastically. Merlin decided to try and make the conversation easier by apologising to Arthur again.  
"I'm sorry Arthur, it won't happen again".  
"Right, well, be up at my chambers with my breakfast in five minutes". Arthur commanded storming out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

After Arthur left, Merlin stood up groaning. He had an awful headache, and the feeling of embarrassment from the night before was overwhelming. He couldn't believe he had tried to kiss Mordred. Merlin was so ashamed with himself. He also began to worry that Mordred would have gotten the wrong idea about him. He hoped that he hadn't scared him off with his throwing up. Merlin got himself dressed and hurried through to the kitchens to grab Arthur's breakfast for the day. He felt very glum as he headed up to Arthur's chambers. He hoped that Arthur would let this morning go and be easy on him today. He wasn't sure how much of Arthur's ill tempter he could handle while he had such a hangover.

As Arthur sat in his chambers waiting for his breakfast he was angry that Merlin had gone out the previous night getting absolutely plastered, which had caused him to be late for work. He didn't like the idea of Merlin drinking in the first place, as Merlin had always been rubbish at holding his alcohol. Merlin could get himself into some serious trouble if he drunk too much. Arthur started to became curious as to what had happened last night…

Merlin entering the room interrupted his thoughts. Arthur would have complained about the fact that Merlin hadn't bothered to knock, but he decided to drop it when he could see how hung over his manservant was just by the look on his face. He also appeared to be quite sad and down. Arthur's curiosity as to what had happened the previous night between Mordred and Merlin increased at the sight of an unhappy Merlin. He hoped that Merlin would talk to him about what happened without him having to ask Merlin himself. He didn't like to look like he was interested in Merlin's personal life. He'd never hear the end of it if Merlin thought he cared about him.

As Merlin placed the meal in front of Arthur, he was too busy worrying about the events of the night before to talk to him. He didn't want to put up with any more of Arthur's grumpiness or rudeness today. He was too worried that Mordred wouldn't ever talk to him again. He had completely humiliated himself in front of the one man that seemed to actually care about his feelings, and accept who he was. Eventually the silence was broken by Arthur trying to make conversation.  
"So… have a good night last night?" He asked Merlin. He looked like he was actually interested, which surprised Merlin. It also seemed that his bad mood from the last night and morning had gone which was good. However, Merlin didn't really want to go into detail about his evening so he thought it best to not tell Arthur where he really way. After all, he was unaware that Mordred had told Arthur about their plans for that night.  
"It was alright, I just headed back home for an early night". Merlin replied. As soon as he said it he realised his mistake in using that as an excuse for where he was. If he had an early night, he wouldn't have been late waking up this morning. Before Arthur could respond Merlin continued to try and cover up his error.  
"I didn't end up having an early night though, as I was up half the night reading…" Merlin said, his face looked regretful. Arthur wasn't sure why Merlin was lying about his whereabouts. Why wouldn't Merlin want Arthur to know where he really was? Or maybe he hadn't actually ended up showing up to the tavern. Arthur decided not to question Merlin about whether he was being honest or not. He could ask Mordred about it later to find out the truth. Instead he replied,  
"You sure live a riveting life, Merlin". Although he was joking, there was a slight nasty tone to his voice because he was hurt that Merlin was lying to him. Merlin noticed the harsh tone and was felt a little wounded.  
"Well I didn't have much to do seeing as YOU dismissed me early for no good reason". Merlin replied bitterly. He felt that he was undeserving of Arthur's rude remarks after the way Arthur had treated him the previous night.  
"Are you still annoyed because of that? Seriously?" Arthur replied with annoyance and surprise in his voice. Merlin didn't know how to respond so he didn't. Instead he stormed out of Arthur's chambers without so much as looking back. He really couldn't deal with Arthur condescending him right now. Arthur was surprised at how badly Merlin had reacted to his last comment.  
"Must be a pretty bad hangover…" Arthur commented softly to himself. Realising he had lost his appetite he pushed his meal away from him. Arthur had a speech to write but he felt that he wasn't currently in the right frame of mind to do it. Instead, he decided he might as well pay Mordred a little visit and find out what was going on with him and Merlin…

After Merlin left Arthur's chambers he ran all the way back to his own room. He didn't want to stop running because in some ways, he felt like he was running away from his problems – which seemed like a good solution right about now. Tears began to roll down his cheeks as he made it back to his room. He was so confused about everything that had been happening the past few days and he just didn't know what to do anymore. Merlin slammed the door to his room closed and lay down on his bed trying to work out what he was going to do.

Arthur strolled down the corridors at quite a relaxed pace. Once he reached Mordred's chambers he stopped at the door. He began to question whether getting involved in Merlin and Mordred's personal lives was a good idea. If either of them had wanted to involve him or speak to him about it they would've done on their own steam. If he went into Mordred's chambers asking questions, Mordred would probably feel obliged to answer him just because he was the King. He didn't want either of them to feel that they HAD to tell him just because of who he was. Arthur wanted his friends to trust him and share their lives with him. As he stood behind the door he wondered whether it really was a good idea or not to knock and speak to Mordred. Eventually his curiously overpowered him, so he knocked on the door.

Mordred had spent the morning in bed. He didn't even want to move. He feared that Merlin would never want to speak to him again after the events of last night. Mordred felt foolish that he had gone in to kiss Merlin, when Merlin was clearly only acting the way he was because of the drink. Humiliated, Mordred burrowed himself deep into his bedding.

After a few hours of pitying himself, he decided that moping about wouldn't do any good. He would go to find Merlin and make sure he was okay. Mordred wanted to continue his friendship with Merlin more than anything, so he was determined not to throw it away over a silly drunken misunderstanding.

Mordred had just finished getting dressed into his day clothes, as there was a knock on the door. His heart began to beat faster. He hoped that it would be Merlin on the other side of the door. He opened the door to find King Arthur on the other side. This was a surprise to Mordred, but he hoped that the surprise did not show on his face.  
"Good morning Sire, is there something that I can help you with?" He asked the King curiously.  
"Could I come in actually, Mordred? I was wondering if I could have a word with you…" Arthur asked. Mordred began to wonder what this could be about. Arthur stepped inside the chambers as Mordred closed the door behind them.


	6. The Kiss

_A/N: Hey guys! I'm sorry that I'm two days later than normal uploading this latest chapter. I didn't upload on the first night because the chapter would have been too short because I didn't have time to do much that day, and then the night after my Internet stopped working so I had no way of uploading. I'm finding it quite distressing not having internet, but at least it is giving me more time to work on this story at least!_

_Once again I would like to thank you all for your reviews and kind words. You're all lovely and make me smile like crazy with your kind feedback :3_

_Sorry that this is quite a long chapter. It is the majority of what I wrote the last couple of days... I just felt like this all needed to be in one chapter._  
_We're about to really get into the Merdred plot in this chapter, yay!_

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Mordred gestured towards a nearby seat for Arthur to sit at. Arthur nodded at the gesture and took and seated himself. As Mordred sat opposite him he asked Arthur,  
"What is this about?". He was unsure what reasons Arthur could have for visiting him if it wasn't about something to do with training.  
"I was just wondering about last night.". Arthur said, cautiously. He didn't want Mordred to feel like he was trying to intrude on his personal life. He also didn't want Mordred to feel like he was in any sort of trouble with anything.  
"What about last night?" Mordred replied as a frown of confusion appeared at his brow. He couldn't understand the King's sudden interest in his private life.  
"Did you end up going to the tavern with Merlin? I apologise if it seems that I am intruding into your private business, but Merlin seemed quite unhappy and… distracted today. I was hoping to find out why he was behaving strangely". Arthur explained. Mordred thought about this for a moment. He felt bad that he had caused Merlin to feel uncomfortable. It did however; surprise Mordred that Arthur was taking interest in Merlin's life. The King genuinely seemed to care about why his manservant had been unhappy. But Mordred decided that it would be best not to tell Arthur the full story about the evening, or it would probably add to Merlin's stresses.  
"We did indeed go to the tavern, but it was uneventful". Mordred answered, letting a relaxed smile spread across his face. If he seemed calm then Arthur would be more likely to believe him.  
"Really? Nothing?" Arthur questioned raising an eyebrow.  
"Nothing at all. We just had a couple of drinks and chatted". Mordred repeated.  
"Then why did Merlin lie about his whereabouts last night? He told me that he was in his room reading last night. If nothing had happened, why would he lie?" Arthur questioned with a harsh and authoritive tone to his voice. He didn't appreciate that Mordred was trying to hide something. Mordred was surprised to hear that Merlin had lied about going to the tavern. He felt bad that he had let him down by telling Arthur his true whereabouts. No doubts about it, Merlin would be getting a talk from Arthur later on about this misunderstanding…  
"I'm not sure why he would lie…" Mordred said softly. Unfortunately for him Arthur wasn't buying it.  
"Something must have happened because I know Merlin, and he wouldn't just be in this kind of mood for no reason". Arthur pressed.  
"Maybe he was just moody because of the hangover. He had a lot to drink last night and it's probably taking its toll on him". Mordred replied calmly.  
Arthur was beginning to get frustrated with the lack of response he was getting to his questions.  
"It was more than that. He doesn't act that moody when he just has a hangover. Something must have happened. I have been starting to wonder the last few days whether your relationship with my manservant was strictly platonic. The fact that he has lied to me about his whereabouts and is in a bad mood today has made me lean even more towards to the conclusion that you may have developed feelings for Merlin". Arthur started to feel quite awkward but he continued anyway.  
"I'm sorry if this is none of my business, but I'm wondering if you did anything that could have caused his foul mood today. It's up to you who you have feelings for, but don't take advantage of Merlin. He's a good man. If he doesn't feel the same way you should probably leave him be. I don't want your relationship with him affecting how he works" Arthur finished. He let out a sigh of relief when he finished the sentence because it felt so good to finally get what he had been thinking out in the open.

Mordred was shocked that Arthur had detected his feelings for Merlin so soon. He thought he had been hiding it pretty well.  
"Look, I would never take advantage of Merlin. The thought of it makes me feel ill. What do you take me for? I cannot believe you would actually think I would take advantage of him, or anyone for that matter. And yes, something may have happened between us but it is none of your business. You may be the King, but you have no say in what or WHO he does". Mordred stated angrily. He felt that the King was out of line and needed to be put in his place.  
"I just don't want you messing him around". Arthur replied, frustrated that his knight was speaking to him in such a bad tone. He was only trying to look out for his friends. He didn't mean to start any argument or offend Mordred.  
"That doesn't make it any of your business. You're just taking advantage of the fact that you are king and can tell people to tell you whatever you want. You cannot just go around controlling people like that." Mordred continued. He was started to feel slightly calmer now.  
"I'm sorry. I shall leave you be now. I shouldn't have gotten involved". Arthur apologised, embarrassed that he had said anything in the first place now… He thought that it would be best if he just let it go now. He didn't like arguing with his knights, and especially over topics that were probably none of his business. He stood up and left the room. Mordred didn't reply as the King left his chambers.

Arthur felt embarrassed that he had gone in accusing Mordred of taking advantage of Merlin. What was he thinking?! He can't just go around accusing knights of all people, or such things. And plus, Merlin was a grown man and could take care of himself. It occurred to Arthur that he had been completely overreacting about the situation. It really was none of his business what Merlin did in his spare time. So then why did it feel like he'd been kicked in the gut every time he thought about Mordred and Merlin being together?

A few hours after Merlin had headed to his room, he decided he had better serve Arthur his lunch. He realised that Arthur would probably be in an awful mood with him but it was his own fault this time. Merlin annoyed with himself because he had just walked out of his duties this morning. What was he thinking? Arthur would probably tell him to 'stop being a girl' again. Merlin decided that it was time for him to stop moping around and feeling sorry for himself, But it was hard to not feel sad. It was times like this that he missed having Gwen around. Gwen would always know what to say and give him advice whenever he needed it.

Arthur had just finished writing his speech when there was a knock at the door.  
"Come in". He called. To his surprise, Merlin opened the door and stepped inside. Merlin looked slightly happier and more relaxed now. He came in carrying a plate of food for the King.  
"Merlin! I thought you would have taken the day off…" Arthur said calmly. It surprised Merlin that Arthur was not being rude and annoyed with him.  
"Look, about earlier… I'm sorry that stormed out. I was feeling a little sensitive at the time. It was irresponsible for me to leave you in the lurch like that". Merlin apologised, looking embarrassed.  
"It's fine. As it turns out I had no use for you during the time you were gone anyway. I actually spent the morning with Mordred". As Arthur said that, he looked up at Merlin to see how he would react. Merlin tried to not give anything away in his expression, as he placed Arthur's meal in front of him. But on the inside, he was panicking. Would Mordred have told Arthur anything about last night? If he did then Arthur would know that Merlin had lied to him about his whereabouts earlier…  
"Oh? How come?" Merlin asked coolly.  
"I just wanted to have a little chat with him and see how he was. I was however, surprised to discover that you were infact in the tavern with him last night. Why did you lie to me?" Arthur asked. Although he felt quite stressed, he managed to keep his voice sounding calm. Merlin could see the hurt in his eyes from the fact that he had been lied to. Merlin panicked in his mind. He didn't know what to tell Arthur. He didn't want to ever have to tell Arthur about last night because it was so humiliating. Merlin knew that he would never hear the end of it once Arthur knew, but he didn't have a choice now…  
"Why does it matter?" Merlin asked, straightening up. The fact that he was standing over a seated Arthur made him feel slightly more confident for some reason.  
"Why don't you trust me?" Arthur spat back at Merlin, his temper rising.  
"I do trust you". Merlin replied, as he began to feel more bad for not telling Arthur than embarrassed. Was Arthur really only reacting over the fact that Merlin hadn't told him? Merlin was shocked that Arthur looked genuinely hurt that he hadn't been told. He wouldn't have thought Arthur would care what he did in his spare time…  
"I didn't see that it was important to tell you. I'm sorry. I also thought you would laugh at me over what happened…" Merlin looked down. He didn't want to make eye contact with Arthur anymore, he was humiliated that Arthur knew what had happened.  
"What did happen?" Arthur asked curiously.  
"Mordred didn't tell you?" Merlin replied, raising his eyebrows.  
"No, he didn't. I haven't been able to get a single clue about what's going on from either of you. But it's your business I suppose. If you don't want to tell me then fair enough. It's your choice who you trust with your secrets., Just don't let it interfere with your work". Arthur stated harshly. Merlin thought to himself, "Oh this is back to the uncaring Arthur that I know… I thought it was too good to be true that he actually cared about something to do with my personal life for once…". Of course, he didn't say this out loud to Arthur. Instead he replied,  
"I'll see to it that it doesn't, Sire". He said it with such force in his voice that Arthur felt bad about his last sentence. Arthur hadn't meant to sound so hard-hearted, he just meant to not seem like he was prying.

The rest of the evening, the pair barely spoke two words to each other. When they did speak it was only Arthur ordering Merlin to do something or Merlin offering to pour Arthur a bath. Arthur hadn't meant to cause a rift in their friendship. He didn't like when Merlin wasn't his usual chatty self Eventually, Arthur had enough of the tense atmosphere in the room  
"Look Merlin, if you're going to just be this moody you may as well head of for the night". He said, breaking the silence. Merlin looked hurt. For the second time in two nights Arthur had dismissed him early with no regards for his feelings.  
"If that is what His Majesty would like, then that is what His Majesty will get". Merlin said in a mocking tone as he left the room. After he left he realised that he hadn't taken the plates to take down to the kitchen.  
"Oh well, he'll just have to have them messing up his chambers for the night". Merlin muttered to himself as he walked down the halls of the castle.

The next day Mordred decided it was time he spoke to Merlin. He had left it a day to let the dust settle. He thought it would be best to speak to Merlin while he has on his lunch break. Unsurprisingly, he found Merlin with Gaius in their chambers, reading a book.  
"Hello Mordred, can we be of assistance?" Gaius asked as Mordred entered the room. Merlin looked up from his book at the mention of Mordred's name.  
"I was hoping I could speak with Merlin quickly, unless he's busy with you?" Mordred asked.  
"No no, it's fine. You go ahead.". Gaius replied. Merlin stood up .  
"I think it's probably best if we chat in private. Come this way". Merlin suggested, leading Mordred towards his room. When they entered his room Mordred was surprised by how small the area was compared to his own chambers. He had never been in Merlin's rooms before, so he was surprised to find that he lived in such a small room that only contained only a tiny wardrobe and even tinier bed. But he supposed this would be normal living conditions for a servant.  
Merlin noticed Mordred glancing around his bedroom and blushed awkwardly. He wasn't used to having people in his personal space and he felt that Mordred would judging him and the size of his room.  
"Sorry… it's not the grandest room ever…" Merlin muttered as he took a seat on his bed. He patted the bit of bed next to him as a gesture for Mordred to take a seat.  
"It's fine. I'm just surprised that after all of these years of being the manservant to the King he may have upgraded you to a more… decent living space…". Mordred said. Merlin had never really thought about it like that before. Mordred took the seat next to Merlin.  
"I'm just fine living here – it means I can help Gaius out easily if I'm here and he needs the help". Merlin explained. Mordred let the subject drop as he had more pressing topics to discuss with Merlin.  
"About the other night…" Mordred began to say. Merlin cut him off before he could finish his sentence.  
"I know… I'm sorry Mordred. I behaved appallingly. I was upset and stressed over the argument I had with Arthur and I just tried to drink my troubles away. I feel that I took advantage of you. Please accept my apologies for that, Mordred". Merlin apologised sincerely.  
"It's okay. I shouldn't have let you get into that state. I think it's best if we put it behind us and move on yes?" Mordred suggested. Merlin noticed that Mordred hadn't mentioned the almost-kiss. He assumed that Mordred had just wanted to move on and forget about it.  
"Alright, that sounds good". Merlin replied, letting out a sigh of relief. A smile came back to his face for the first time in the last couple of days. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his shoulders.  
"So how has Arthur been today?" Mordred asked. He was hoping that he hadn't caused too much trouble between them because he had made it obvious that Merlin was lying to Arthur.  
"He's being quite unpleasant. I lied to him about where I was and after finding out the truth he was angry that I lied. He's probably just angry because he doesn't like anyone going against his authority. He dismissed me early AGAIN yesterday. Sometimes he is so hard to work with". Merlin's smile dropped a little while talking about Arthur.  
"Why don't you just stop working for him then?" Mordred asked, as if it were the simplest thing in the world.  
"I can't. It is my destiny to help Arthur to unite the lands of Albion. He needs me. And he isn't that bad all of the time…" Merlin explained.  
"Well, if you ever need anyone to discuss things with, I am here for you". Mordred said, looking Merlin in the eyes. All Mordred wanted to do in this moment was lean forward and kiss Merlin and hold him. He wanted Merlin to see how it felt to be appreciated and loved. Instead he stood up and headed towards the door.  
"I'd better be off". He announced.  
"Wait a second". Merlin replied standing up. He walked over to Mordred and wrapped his arms around the young knight, pulling him into a tight embrace. They hugged in silence for a few seconds. Mordred inhaled Merlin's scent and relaxed into his touch. Closing his eyes, Mordred realised just how much he loved this man. As the hug broke apart Merlin said softly,  
"Thank you, Mordred", as Mordred headed to the door. His heart was fluttering wildly as he left Merlin alone in his room.

Merlin returned to work later that evening to prepare Arthur for the night. The tense atmosphere between the pair had lessened greatly now. Neither had mentioned the arguments of the past few days since they occurred, as both thought it would be best to let it go. Merlin had just made the assumption that Arthur didn't really care anymore. But he was fine with that. He didn't need Arthur's comfort or guidance. He had Mordred now. Merlin hadn't noticed, but he had been grinning as he was tidying up Arthur's room. As Arthur emerged from behind his screen after changing into his bedclothes, he noticed the smile on Merlin's face. He was glad to see that his manservant was starting to feel happy.  
"What are you smiling about?" Arthur asked, curiously. Merlin blushed as he realised that he was infact smiling like crazy. Arthur loved the way Merlin blushed. The contrast of his pink cheeks to his blue eyes and black hair was beautiful.  
"Oh nothing much…I was just thinking about something Mordred said to me earlier…" Merlin admitted. For some reason, Arthur felt disappointed that it was Mordred that had brought the smile to Merlin's face. It made it more of a bittersweet moment.  
"Oh, what is this thing that Mordred said that was so worth smiling about?" Arthur asked, his tone becoming more sarcastic to hide the fact that he felt hurt that he wasn't the one to brighten Merlin's mood.  
"Oh nothing much, You wouldn't understand". Merlin replied. He couldn't tell Arthur that he was so happy because of how appreciated Mordred made him feel. Arthur would just laugh and tell him he was being a girl. Merlin was unaware that his remark had caused Arthur to feel even more detached from his manservant then he had previously.  
"Right, okay then. I don't actually care, I was just curious as to what made you look like a complete idiot with your smile". Arthur replied grumpily.

Merlin couldn't understand why Arthur was acting this way. If he hadn't wanted to know what it was about then he shouldn't have asked. Merlin wished that Arthur wouldn't be so hot and cold with him. It felt like half the time Arthur was making an effort to understand him, and the other half of the time he didn't have any interest in Merlin at all. Merlin cared for Arthur more than anyone else in the world. He had realised a few months previously that he did in fact love Arthur. But Merlin knew that hard reality that Arthur would never return his feelings. So Merlin continued to push his feelings for his King away. Even though he tried not to think about his feelings for Arthur, it still hurt when Arthur showed how much he didn't care for Merlin. Sometimes Merlin wondered whether Arthur even saw him as a friend. After Merlin finished performing his regular evening duties he said to Arthur,  
"Would you mind me knocking off now? I'm supposed to be meeting with Mordred soon". Merlin asked. Arthur was angry that Merlin was attempting to get out of his duties just so he could see a man that was not even deserving of his affections.  
"No, Merlin. You can't just swan off when you feel like it. This is your job and you better do well to remember that or you may find yourself without it very soon if you continue at this rate. Now tidy up my bed, polish my armour and clean up the dishes". Arthur commanded angrily. Merlin's mouth dropped open. He couldn't believe Arthur was being so unreasonable.  
"Fine". Merlin growled as he left the chambers with the dishes in his hands. He headed to the armoury but he planned to stop by Mordred's chambers on his way…

Mordred was getting ready for his meeting with Merlin when he heard a knock at his door. He quickly pulled on his freshly cleaned shirt and moved towards the door. "He's early". Mordred thought to himself. He didn't mind though. If anything, he was pleased that he was seeing Merlin even earlier. He opened the door with a smile, but was surprised to see that Merlin was looking gloomy on the other side of the door.  
"Merlin… what's wrong? Come in…" Mordred said, opening his door wider so that the young warlock could step inside.  
"I'm sorry I can't come in. Arthur won't dismiss me early and he's given me a tonne of new chores to do. I have to clean his armour. Could we do this tomorrow instead?" Merlin explained apologetically.  
"Oh… How about I come with you to the armoury? I could help you with your tasks". Mordred offered. He wasn't prepared to let Arthur stand in the way of his time with Merlin. The smile returned to Merlin's face.  
"Really? You would do that?" Merlin replied, surprised.  
"Of course. I want to spend time with you". Mordred answered as he stepped out of his room.

The walk down the armoury was a short one, so they walked in silence as the headed down there. Once they arrived Mordred asked Merlin,  
"So what do you need me to do?"  
"Um, if you could grab a cloth and take a piece of armour to clean that'd be great". Merlin replied, appreciative of the help. Mordred did as he was told and Merlin did the same.  
"Why wouldn't he let you leave early?" Mordred asked.  
"I'm not sure. Maybe he was just in a bad mood. But it came out of nowhere. I can't see why he wouldn't let me get off early. I do so much for him. I've dedicated my life to him, and he won't even let me spare a couple of hours to have time to myself. It was like as soon as I told him I had plans to meet up with you he just decided I couldn't go and I had to do more work for him. He also threatened that if I continue to 'act this way' I won't have a job for much longer". Merlin explained, looking frustrated.  
"Maybe you should just quit… Maybe then he would see that he couldn't just control your life like this". Mordred suggested, as he continued cleaning the armour.  
"I can't do that… I have to protect him". Merlin muttered sadly. A tear began to roll down Merlin's cheek. He had let his emotions about Arthur build up so much in the past few weeks.  
"You could protect him from afar. You just need a break from him for a while. You don't deserve this treatment". Mordred said with a caring tone to his voice. Mordred tenderly brushed away the tear that rolled down Merlin's cheek. It hurt him to see his friend, the man that he loved, so lost and confused. Mordred couldn't resist it anymore, and he leaned forward to kiss Merlin. He didn't even care about rejection anymore. He just needed Merlin to see that he was loved and appreciated. As Merlin realised what Mordred was doing he thought that he should probably move away. He loved Arthur and no matter how badly he treated him those feelings would probably never go. But Mordred was so kind and giving…Mordred was everything that Merlin needed. So Merlin leaned in and kissed Mordred. The kiss began slow and cautious but as Merlin added more pressure to his lips the kiss became more urgent and heated. Merlin began to weave his fingers through Mordred's hair, as Mordred put his arms around Merlin's waist, pulling him into a tighter embrace.

Eventually the kiss broke apart. Mordred looked into Merlin's deep blue eyes. He needed to tell Merlin the truth about his feelings.  
"I love you, Merlin". Mordred said softly. Merlin's heart began to beat faster. It felt amazing to hear someone say those words to him again… In response, Merlin leaned in to kiss Mordred again but softly and tenderly this time.


	7. The Morning After

_A/N: I've managed to upload this chapter on time today – hooray! Although, it is a slighter shorter chapter then normal this time. Sorry about that. I was going to add more to this chapter but I felt that the whole of the next chapter should centre around a conversation between Arthur and Merlin. I hope you're all still enjoying the story as much as I am writing it._

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The next day Merlin awoke to find that he wasn't in his chambers. It took him a second before he noticed the arm that was wrapped around his bare chest. As Merlin realised that he was in bed with a still asleep Mordred, he smiled. Merlin stroked Mordred's face softly as the young knight continued to sleep. Merlin wanted the bliss that he was feeling to last forever. Unfortunately it was short lived when he realised that he had overslept and was going to be late for his duties with Arthur.  
"Oh gods". He muttered as he started to get out of bed, trying to not wake Mordred as he moved. Mordred awoke due to the movement around him.  
"I hope you weren't planning on leaving me". Mordred muttered with a joking smile on his face, as he opened his eyes.  
"I have duties to attend to. I can't imagine Arthur would be best pleased if he found out that I was late because I was sleeping with his newest knight". Merlin replied, kissing Mordred on the forehead.  
There conversation was soon interrupted by a unexpected knock at the door. Merlin froze.  
"Who is it?" Mordred called from his bed, through the door.  
"It's Arthur. Can I come in? I need to speak to you". Arthur called back through the door. Merlin went into a state of panic when he realised it was Arthur. If he found him in here he would be furious with Merlin.  
"Just give me a second!". Mordred called back urgently. Merlin quickly grabbed his clothes and hid behind the clothing screen in Mordred's room. Mordred quickly jumped out of bed and pulled on his robe that had been laying on the floor nearby.

As he opened the door Arthur raised his eyebrows at the lack of clothes his young knight was wearing at this time of the day. It was almost noon.  
"Having a lazy day today, Sir Mordred?" Arthur asked teasingly.  
"Something like that". Mordred replied with a small laugh..  
"I'm sorry to ruin it, but we have been invited to attend Lady Mithian's wedding to Prince Edmund. I need a few knights to come with me and I was hoping you would be willing to join us". Arthur offered.  
"Of course sire, it would be my pleasure to join you. When do we leave?" Mordred asked.  
"We leave in about an hour. Oh and, if you see that good for nothing servant of mine, let him know that he needs to prepare the food to take away with us and get the horses ready". Arthur said as he walked away. Mordred let out a sigh and closed the door. When Mordred turned around to look back into his room, Merlin was walking towards the door – now fully dressed.  
"I'd better make a start on preparing for the ride. I'll see you later". Merlin said before giving Mordred a delicate kiss. Merlin left the room and left Mordred to get his thoughts together about the last night. It seemed surreal that the man he loved seemed to reciprocate his feelings. He was determined that he would never let anyone or anything hurt Merlin ever again.

As Merlin headed down to the kitchens to prepare the meals for the ride, he started to think over his feelings. He had initially been in a state of bliss after sleeping with Mordred. But now all he was able to think about was Arthur. He felt like he was betraying his feelings for Arthur. Merlin started to wonder whether he really had feelings for Mordred, or just loved the way Mordred loved him. After thinking over it for a while he decided it would be silly to put this relationship with Mordred on hold because he was in love with someone that would never feel the same way. It would be better if Merlin moved on and maybe tried to be in a committed relationship with the man that loved and cared for him.

After spending the morning searching through the castle for Merlin, Arthur gave up and headed back to his chambers. To his surprise, he found Merlin inside preparing his clothes for the next couple of days.  
"Good morning Arthur, sorry I was a bit late this morning. I've prepared the food and horses for the ride so I think we're just about ready to go". Merlin announced before Arthur could barely get in the door.  
"Right… Well, thank you. Wait, how did you know about the trip?" Arthur asked, surprised of his manservant's knowledge for the events that were to come. He was pleased however, to see that Merlin was on the ball and ready to go.  
"Oh uh, I bumped into Mordred". Merlin answered.  
"Right, okay. Let's go then". Arthur said as he left the room, leaving the door open for Merlin to follow.

The three-day ride that they had ahead of them seemed less daunting now that Merlin had Mordred with him. Merlin was surprised to discover that Arthur had only chosen to bring along three knights on this trip - those being Mordred, Leon and Percival. The group of knights were quite chatty during the first day of riding. As they rode Merlin decided that he wouldn't talk to much to Mordred while riding, as he didn't want to draw any attention to their relationship. Instead he listened to the chatter between Leon and Percival. The pair had been reminiscing about past missions and hunting trips they had been on since being knights of Camelot. It made Merlin think about how much they had all been through together. These men had become good friends with Merlin through the time they had been serving Arthur. They were like the brothers Merlin never had.

Mordred was surprised to see that Merlin wasn't talking to him at all through the ride. He didn't want the fact that they were in the presence of other people to strain their relationship. Mordred wanted others to know the truth about them. But if Merlin didn't wish for them to find about their love for each other, he had no choice to accept it. Personally, Mordred felt that their friends would be supportive of them if anything.

The sun began to set as the day drew to a end.  
"I think it's best that we set up camp for the night". Arthur suggested, reining his horse to a stop. The other knights and Merlin followed suit and dismounted their horses.  
"Merlin, could you prepare dinner while the rest of us set up camp?" Arthur asked as he unpacked the luggage from his horse.  
"Of course, Sire". Merlin replied, surprised that he wasn't being left do both tasks this time and that the King was asking him nicely rather than treating him like dirt.  
Merlin set to work by making a fire to begin with. He figured the sooner they had some warmth surrounding the area the better. It didn't take him long, as he used magic to light it while no one was looking. Taking a seat next to the fire, he began preparing the meal. It wasn't long before the camp was set up and Mordred came and sat next to him.  
"Want any help?" He offered Merlin.  
"No thanks, it's just about done". Merlin replied with an appreciative smile. It took Merlin a few minutes to realise that no one else was with them.  
"Where are the others?" Merlin asked, looking around to see if he could spot the others.  
"Oh, they've just gone to clean themselves up and get some water". Mordred explained.  
"Ah, that makes sense". Merlin replied. He should've figured that that was where they would be.  
"But it means we have the place to ourselves for a while…" Mordred whispered seductively, placing his hand on Merlin's thigh.  
"They could be back any minute" Merlin replied, blushing.  
"Then let's live dangerously". Mordred purred as he leant in to kiss Merlin, moving his hand further up Merlin's leg. Merlin's mind was telling him that he should stop this. This wasn't the time or the place for this. But it just felt so good to be this wanted by someone. Instead of listening to his mind, he gave in and responded to Mordred's movement. The kiss started of soft and tender, but it quickly turned passionate and urgent. It wasn't long before Mordred had Merlin pinned to the ground while still kissing him. It was only when they heard an awkward cough coming from behind them that they broke apart. They found the three other men standing a few metres away, obviously having had returned from fetching water, with surprised looks on their faces. But the only face Merlin could focus on was Arthur's. Arthur's face portrayed the emotions of sorrow and hurt. The ashamed feeling that Merlin felt was like he had been kicked in the gut.


	8. Revelations

_A/N: Hello everyone! I'd just like to start of by apologising for the lack of updates for this story. If you want to read my explanation for why I didn't update then keep reading, but if not, feel free to skip to the chapter!_  
_If you had been reading my previous author's notes you would have noticed that I said I was doing this story for my NaNoWriMo. So even though I didn't update through November, I did continue to write it. I had every intention of editing and uploading the fic at the start of December (when NaNoWriMo ended). But on the last day of November, my laptop was taken away for repairs. I tried to use the version of the story saved to my harddrive, but for some reason it wouldn't connect to my computer. My laptop was supposed to be away for two weeks, but instead I only just received it back yesterday (about 6 weeks later). The reason why I didn't update the fic at all through November is because I became overwhelmed with the fact that people were actually reading it, and this happened just as my self-esteem was taking a turn for the worse. But I have spent the past couple of months trying to regain my confidence so that I can continue to share what I have written._

_So thank you all for your patience. I'm hoping to update every 1-2 days, so stay tuned c:_

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Arthur felt like his heart shattered into a million pieces when he arrived back at camp to find Mordred straddling Merlin, kissing him. He was lucky that he wasn't alone and had a fellow knight there to break up the moment.  
"Sorry to interrupt, lads". Leon said with an awkward laugh. Mordred moved off Merlin and they both sat up, moving away from each other. Merlin had gone bright red with embarrassment. To Arthur's surprise, Mordred was not as cocky as he normally would have been as he also looked quite embarrassed that his friends had caught him with his lover. There was a silence that erupted around the group. No one really knew what they should say in this moment. Merlin eventually stood up from where he had been sat on the ground.  
"Uh, I'm going to go and top up my water". Merlin announced quickly grabbing his bottle. He swiftly headed towards the lake, not looking back at his friends. He didn't want them to see the blush that was still vibrant on his face. The other men all watched him as he walked away from them. The tension in the group loosened a little with Merlin's departure, so Percival decided to make a light-hearted comment.  
"So, you and Merlin hey? Who would've thought". Percival teased. It pleased Mordred that his friends were being so accepting. Well, everyone accept Arthur that was. He hadn't said a word since they had walked in on the pair. He just kept staring at Mordred. He looked like he was deep in thought. Mordred could see that there was sadness in his eyes, but he couldn't fathom why. Mordred looked up at where Arthur was stood and made eye contact with him. Arthur responded to the eye contact with a small glare. Breaking the gaze after a few short moments, Arthur picked up his own water bottle.  
"I'll be back soon". Arthur said as he headed off after Merlin. Percival found it odd that Arthur was going off again with his bottle and frowned.  
"But you just filled up your water?" He questioned. Arthur didn't even turn around to respond as he hurriedly wandered after his friend.

Arthur's head was spinning. He couldn't believe what he had just witnessed. It felt like someone had pulled his heart out of his chest, thrown it on the ground and stamped on it. It wasn't long before he came into view of Merlin. Merlin was sat next to the stream with his hands covering his face, as if he were trying to hide himself. When he heard the rustling of leaves behind him, he looked up to find Arthur standing behind him. Arthur could see that Merlin had been crying, although the warlock tried to quickly brush away his tears. Arthur took a seat next to Merlin. Neither said anything for a few minutes, as neither of them could find the words to express how they were feeling. They sat in silence listening to the sound of the wildlife around them. Arthur was trying to form the right questions in his mind before speaking out loud. He knew that if he was too harsh or angry with Merlin that he would get more upset and not want to talk to him at all. But at the same time Arthur needed some answers.  
"Merlin… Why didn't you tell me?" Arthur asked, looking at his manservant. Merlin looked down as he didn't want to look Arthur in the eyes. He couldn't bear the fact that the man he loved with all his heart had witnessed him being with another man. He fumbled with his hands as he tried to come up with a reasonable answer to his question.  
"I… I just… I don't know. I didn't see that it was important to tell you, I guess…". Merlin answered as his explanation, his voice weak and feeble. This angered Arthur. How could Merlin think that it wasn't important for him to know the truth about his sexuality and about his life? This was a big part of who Merlin is. It began to occur to Arthur that maybe Merlin didn't even see him as a friend anymore, because surely friends wouldn't keep these things secret from one another.  
"How could it possibly not be important for you to tell me? I thought we were friends, Merlin! Friends don't keep these kinds of secrets from each other. I feel like I don't even know who you are anymore!". Arthur responded angrily. Merlin was surprised by this outburst. So surprised that he had the nerve to look at Arthur now. Merlin glared at his King. Arthur knew that he was wrong to have gotten angry so suddenly with Merlin. He had regretted the way he spoke the moment he said it, and when he saw Merlin glare at him he could feel a pang of guilt in his gut.  
"Maybe if you treated me more like a friend then I would've told you! You've made it perfectly clear that you wish to know nothing or have any involvement in my personal life. Why would I tell you when you don't care about me in the slightest? At least Mordred cares about me. He was there for me every time you hurt my feelings, or even hurt me physically! I was feeling so alone, like there was no one in the world that cared for me. But then Mordred got to know me and he was always there for me. You pushed me away, just like you ALWAYS do. How could I tell you something like this when you constantly pushed me away? All I could do was go to Mordred and tell him my doubts and fears." Merlin spat back. Arthur was overwhelmed with guilt. Merlin was right. It was his fault, and he knew it. All anger had drained from Arthur and was replaced by the feeling of regret. He wished he could go back in time and change the way he had treated Merlin through the years. He wished he had been more supportive and caring towards him.  
"I-I'm sorry, Merlin. I know I haven't been all that fair with you recently. I've been harsh and unkind, and I've turned you away when you offered your kindness and friendship. But I do care about you. I care about you more than anyone else in the world. It pains me to know that you don't trust me with your secrets and to tell me who you are". Arthur explained, holding back tears. He couldn't believe that after all these years of friendship it had come down to this – Merlin not even trusting Arthur.

Merlin was shocked by the sincerity of Arthur's apology. Never since he had known Arthur had he been this genuine and honest about his feelings. As Arthur spoke, Merlin could see the sadness and hurt in his eyes. Merlin placed his hand on Arthur's knee to comfort him as he anger faded away. It felt good to get his feelings off his chest but he knew that it wasn't all Arthur's fault that he had been unaware of his feelings before now. It always pained Merlin seeing Arthur sad so he wanted to reassure him that everything was going to be okay now.  
"It's okay, Arthur. It doesn't matter now". He said, giving Arthur a slight smile, trying to reassure him. The reassurance didn't work though. Arthur just shook his head and responded,  
"I just can't believe I let this happen. You HATED Mordred, and I spent weeks trying to convince you to get along with him. It's my fault that this has happened. I pushed you away and you went running into his arms.".Arthur said, looking away from Merlin. He didn't want Merlin to see the tear that rolled down his cheek because then Merlin might begin to realise the reason why he was this upset with the thought of Mordred and he being together.  
Merlin couldn't understand why Arthur was getting so emotional over this situation. He hadn't expected Arthur to care at all. If anything, he had expected Arthur to laugh at him when he came out and tell him that he really was a 'girl' now because of his sexuality.  
"Is it really such a bad thing if I've found someone who loves and cares about me? Mordred will always be there for me and would never hurt me. At least I'll always know where I stand with him, even if I don't love him as much as…" Merlin replied, but his voice drifted off towards the end of the sentence as he realised he had said too much. He took his hand off of Arthur's leg and looked down, away from Arthur's gaze.  
"As what?" Arthur asked, looking at Merlin curiously. Merlin shifted uncomfortably.  
"Nothing. It was nothing…". Merlin replied, shaking his head. He didn't want to get into this now. He didn't want Arthur to know his true feelings for him because Merlin knew that nothing would ever be the same between them ever again. But Arthur wasn't going to except that answer. It couldn't have just been nothing.  
"Merlin, tell me what you were going to say". He pressed on, determined for an answer. He looked intently at Merlin, as the raven-haired man fiddled with his hands looking down.  
"It doesn't matter". Merlin replied weakly.  
"It matters to me. Tell me, Merlin". Arthur said softly but sternly. Merlin looked up at Arthur, realising that Arthur wasn't going to give in. It suddenly occurred to Merlin that maybe Arthur had already worked out that Merlin was in love with him. As the thought occurred to Merlin, he became embarrassed. He thought he had done well to hide his true feelings all this time… The thought that Arthur could already know and was asking these questions and pressing it anyway made Merlin begin to be angry again. It was clear that he didn't want to tell Arthur, so why couldn't Arthur just drop it?  
"Why should I tell you? What's the point? What good could come of telling you what I was going to say?" Merlin spat back, his face full of anger. Arthur was initially taken aback by Merlin's sudden surge of anger. But he remained calm as he responded honestly and sincerely,  
"You're my best friend, Merlin. I want you to be able to trust me with you secrets, no matter what they are. I care about you more than you could ever imagine". Arthur replied.  
Merlin looked up at him but didn't respond. He didn't know how to. Arthur got fed up with the silence and knew that the only thing that he could do was to tell Merlin the truth of his own feelings. He needed to know if Merlin felt the same way. He couldn't keep his feelings to himself any longer, as they were tearing him apart.  
"Goddammit Merlin, I love you. Okay? I love you more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life, and it scares me. How can I love a man more than I've ever loved a woman? I'm the King of Camelot. I can't go around falling in love with men. I'm sorry, but you needed to know the truth". Arthur rushed the words, his voice and body shaking.


End file.
